you can't choose your family
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 
image from the final episode of Sex and The City"
Do you know the saying "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family"? I figure this is my one dumb thing that I used to believe. And here is why:
For a long long time I always loved the idea of having my family around me. I would look forward to family get-togethers, believing there was a sense of safety and comfort in being around these people who had known me my whole life. In more recent years some of us aren't so close and although I accepted it, I haven't particularly liked it.
Then I was diagnosed with cancer. Wonderously and somewhat miraculously I (physically) got through and over it pretty quickly. Surgery, and seven weeks of radiotherapy just to make sure, and I was done. (I could mention the medication I'm on for the next few years but that's a whole other post :).
Apart from my sister, who was pretty awesome, I must say the lack of support from other family members still boggles my mind. Had it been them with the diagnosis, I would have been doing their shopping, vacuuming their floors, popping around with a bottle of wine (oh yes wine!), holding their hand. Doing whatever they wanted and needed me to do. Not hearing from them the entire time I was having therapy still hurts today.
But then I remember my colleagues who showered me with gifts, rang me, messaged me (one of my favourites "you bloody better be alright"), sent me handwritten notes of love and encouragement. Listened to me whinge and moan. Asked me every day how I was going. Rushed to hug me on my return to work.
I remember my friends, whom I see every Sunday for brekky (as we call brunch), who said they would help me through and be with me while I did whatever I had to do.
These people are my family. Because I choose them to be. And I look forward to adding more to my tribe in the future.
~ ~ ~
Danielle LaPorte's Burning Question this week is "what's one dumb thing you used to believe in?".
I *love* her response, and wasn't sure how I could think of anything different. But what I wrote above has been playing (and weighing) on my mind for a long time now. Hopefully now it's 'out there' I can let it go.
♥ ♥ ♥
Reader Comments (4)
Love this post. And so glad you're doing well now.
Love this post. So glad you are well now! In addition to my family, I have just such people in my life too. People I have chosen. They are family too. In the year post-divorce (from an almost 20 year marriage), my own mother didn't call me even ONCE to check on me. Yet...I had my "adopted" mama coming over, calling, offering to help in any way she could. I have thanked God for the people He has brought into my life.
Thanks ladies. I was rather apprehensive about posting this, but happy you got something from it. :)
mj.x
I feel this way about some of my friends. At the times when I needed people the most they were there for me. I'm so glad you have that too!